Lost Stars
by planetmarz
Summary: Based on the song of the same title and the early episodes of season one. Open mic in Hang Chews just became a little bit more interesting.


_**Author's Note:** I wrote this awhile back when I was really into The Newsroom. I know that the dates don't necessarily align and the song never existed then, but it just felt right once I heard it. _

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything! I just like thinking about scenarios like this in my head. :) _

**Lost Stars**

Hang Chews was unusually packed for a Wednesday night. By midnight, everyone from 8 o'clock was joined by the 10 o'clock team and were surprisingly having a good time.

By the bar were Don and Maggie whispering to each other. Tess and Kendra were beside them doing several shots consecutively. In the corner booth were Gary and Neal, talking to a very animated - albeit drunk - Jim Harper about his acoustic guitar. Across them was a contemplative Mac and beside her, an unusually silent Will McAvoy.

"I swear! It is true." whined Jim, describing a cross fire in the middle of the desert with nothing but his guitar for cover.

"Are you telling us that while you were embedded, you had your guitar with you?" clarified Neal, while he grabbed one of the chicken wings in the platter

"Yeah! That guitar saved my life! I could have gotten shot in the back." was Jim's enthusiastic reply.

"You got shot in the ass instead." quipped Mackenzie, looking coy while sipping her own glass of Jamerson.

With all eyes on her, she then began to explain that when the firing stopped, Jim decided to be the first one to stand up, which ultimately led to him being the target. The guitar case he carried on his back shielded him from most of the bullets, except for one which hit his butt.

"Be grateful that you weren't facing the other direction." joked Will, grinning like an idiot

"That's what Mac said!" Exclaimed Jim, half jumping out of his seat and taking Mac's hand and raising it like a champion from a boxing match.

There was no doubt that Jim Harper was incredibly drunk.

Mac smiled at him, ruffling his hair like while they were embedded. They had a friendship born out of camaraderie from shared hardships of reporting the news from a war zone. She couldn't really fault him for drinking too much since he's always teased of drinking too little. Truth be told, Jim Harper needed more drinks in his life. Unlike her, he never got over the nightmares of the warzone and he often would call her in the middle of the night, often making sure that she survived that fatal stab wound he had saved her from.

Tonight, Mac's just going to let it go. Let Jim be drunk. He'll call to apologize the next day, anyway.

"Mac used to sing for the troops!" announced Jim, still raising her hand repeatedly up to the air.

Yes. He'll surely call to apologize the next day.

And she'll give him hell for it.

"Jim..." warned Mac, meeting his alcohol hazed eyes

"What? It's true! Sgt. Williams was head over heels for you after that talent night!" revealed the very drunk Jim that Mackenzie was about to fire out of her own embarrassment.

"You sing, Mac?" asked Gary, now shifting his attention from Jim to their boss

But even before she can deny it, Will answered for her.

"She does."

There was something in the tone of his voice that talked about a more profound friendship beyond a warzone. It was a tone that said so much more of camaraderie between journalists. But rather, it was a tone that spoke of knowing someone a long time ago.

"You're supposed to be on my team." argued Mac, giving him the same stare that she just gave Jim.

"I am."

Maybe it was the late nights they once spent, the many times they used to bicker over his kitchen counter or the hundred thousand kisses they once shared; but there was something about the way Will answered that revealed a little more to the team.

Just with two words, he's able to point out that he knows Mackenzie McHale more than Jim or anyone else in the room. He knows her more than just his EP, partner or colleague.

Unlike anyone else in the room or even in the bullpen, Will was once in love with Mackenzie McHale.

And she just had to fuck it all off.

"Mac! It's open night! Sing with me!" exclaimed Jim, drunkenly oblivious of the awkward silence between Mackenzie, Will and the rest of the team.

She'll be biting his head off tomorrow.

"Jim. You're drunk." reasoned Mac and if memory served her well, there was no stopping a drunk Jim. The handful of times drink allowed himself to drink beyond his limit, Mackenzie became accomplice to a variety of transgressions – from petty crime to putting toothpaste on a sleeping marine's forehead.

Just as quickly as she reasoned with him, he dragged her towards the stage and signaled for the open mic's guitar.

From afar, against the glare of the lights, Mackenzie could see a smirking Will amidst the curious faces of the group.

"Hi, I'm Jim Harper..." introduced the senior producer, taking the guitar and slowly beginning to strum.

"...With me is Mackenzie McHale"

She could hear the polite applause in the room, must have been the rest of the News Night team.

She could feel her face slowly turning red.

"C'mon, Mac." whispered Jim, as he started the intro of a familiar song.

 _ **Please don't see, just a girl caught up in dreams and fantasies. Please see me, reaching out for someone I can see.**_

When she first heard this song, they were waiting for a Van in the middle of the night to take them to Islamabad. While waiting, Jim shared with her his iPod and both stared at Pakistan's night sky. She remembered how silent tears became a sob and how she started to earnestly cry. The song ended with her ignoring a concerned Jim who kept asking her what was wrong

Until that very moment, she was the epitome of the strong professional woman. Since the day the crew and her arrived in the green zone, never had she once showed any sign of stopping... or crying. Amidst the chaos of reporting missile launchers, medical malpractice and terrorism, not once did she show how tired, afraid and weak she truly felt.

But this song.

It just reminded her so much of Will.

 _ **Take my hand, let's see where we wake up tomorrow. Best laid plans sometimes I'm just a one night stand.**_

Hang Chews was currently captivated. Between Jim's guitar skills and Mac's voice, time stopped. Especially for Will.

From where he was, he could see Mac - closed eyed and sincere - singing as if no one else was in the room. It was as if she was lost in her own little world.

Their own little world that shattered after one faithful night.

He remembers every little detail of 'that' day. He was cooking in the kitchen, tossing her favorite mango chicken salad when she called him to the living room. She was still in her work clothes, which was unusual since she would usually change to her house clothes the moment she got home. When he sat down on the sofa, she immediately kneeled in front of him, placing herself in between his legs and taking his hands, she began telling him that she knew he was about to propose and had to be honest with him before they move on to the next stage of their lives. That night, she told him that almost two years ago, she saw Brian Brenner behind his back.

He kicked her out that night. Immediately after asking her why he was not good enough for her, he told her to run away as far as she could.

She did. She ran as far as he never thought possible.

 _ **I'll be damned, Cupid's demanding back his arrow. So let's get drunk, on our tears...**_

Mac ran straight to a warzone. CNN was willing to take her on as an embed as long as she was willing to cut 30% off her salary. She, Jim and a few other 'green' recruits were stationed with a troop headed by Sgt. James Williams. The crew followed them, capturing images of war-torn Iraq with the mission of making the stories of these unknown men and women heard.

When Sgt. Williams asked them to perform for the troops, Jim jumped on the chance to provide five minutes of entertainment to the boys.

Mac was hesitant but she couldn't really say no. Especially when one of them saved her life the other night when they were covering a Taliban attack.

When Jim asked her what to perform, there was only one song that came into mind.

 _ **God, give us a reason why youth is wasted on the young. It's hunting season and this lamb is on the run, searching for meaning. Or are we all, lost stars, shining light on the dark...**_

She never really thought that Will would ever see her sing again. They used to sing casually to each other. The typical birthday song, the last song syndrome tune that they heard in the bullpen... she never thought that she will ever get the chance to do so once again.

Until today.

 _ **Who are we? Just a speck of dust in the galaxy. 'Woe is me' if were not careful turns into reality.**_

He used to sing to her all the time. Random songs, random tunes. It was one of those things that he missed the most in the past three years. He never really thought that he would hear her sing once again.

Until today.

 _ **Don't you dare let our best memories bring you sorrow. Yesterday, I saw a lion kiss a deer. Turn the page and we'll find a brand new ending. So let's get drunk on our tears...**_

A hundred and one memories of Will and her. A hundred and one good memories. Falling asleep together while listening to his old records. Watching a violinist along Central Park and holding her hand for the first time. Dancing with each other for the first time during a black tie affair in CNN. There were so many happy memories with Will that ran through her head when she first heard this song with Jim. At the same time, she remembered the night she finally told him of Brian fucking Brenner.

Since that day, all of her memories of Will, no matter how happy, ended up with the image of him crying and screaming: "Wasn't I ever good enough for you, Mackenzie?" over and over again.

She never gave herself enough time to cry over what happened. Immediately after being thrown out from his apartment, Mac resigned as his EP and offered herself to be sent to the green zone with Jim. She fell asleep with her laptop on her hands and not once, did she give herself a break from the news until Jim offered his headphones while they waited for the van that will take them to Islamabad.

At that point, in the middle of the desert, amidst the night sky with her Senior Producer's iPod in her heads - she finally broke down.

Three days later she would be stabbed by a mad protester in Islamabad.

 _ **I thought I saw you out there crying.**_

The scar that now adorned her right side occasionally ached. Especially when New York was cold. Over the years since the stabbing, she had developed a dependency with pain killers to soothe the throbbing ache that would occasionally haunt her.

Jim was the one who carried her all the way to the medivac and flew with her from the green zone, all the way to Germany in an army helicopter. She would remember bits and pieces in between the actual stabbing all the way down to being stabilized. The most prevalent thought was that she had begged Jim to tell "Billy" that she was so sorry for hurting him. That she didn't want to die alone, without telling him she loved him and that she never stopped.

Amidst the blood, sweat and tears, Jim would promise that he'll stay with her no matter what. He told her that she should tell "Billy" whatever she wanted to tell so herself.

 _ **I thought I heard you call my name.**_

When she was in Germany, the doctors explained to her parents that she was given her first dose of painkillers through an IV and that she could not be expected to be coherent for the next 48 hours. Lord and Lady McHale were sent back to their hotel room to rest. She had been babbling about how Jim saved her life, Sgt. Williams and the boys, the Shia who attacked them months back and of course, cheating on Mr. William Duncan McAvoy - which her father remarked: "My God, Mackie! After all this time?"

Two years in a fucking warzone and multiple Peabody awards later, she just wanted Billy's forgiveness.

After her 48-hour drug induced haze, the doctors said it was completely normal to have been a little delusional and thus, have false memories. Especially when she said that he saw Billy last night. She felt his hands hold hers and heard him crying, asking her "forgiveness" for throwing her out and sending her away.

She felt his lips, kiss her palm, and each knuckle. She heard him pray the rosary she held throughout the night and repeatedly whisper: "It was my fault. I almost lost you and it was my fault."

When she woke up the next day, she asked (in fluent German) the nurse on duty if anyone was with her that night. The nurse simply shook her head but eyed the orchid that stood on her bedside.

She brought the same orchid with her back home to DC and New York. It now sits on top of her bookshelf in her office since she officially started News Night 2.0.

 _ **I thought I heard you out there crying... We're just the same.**_

Jim had never figured out who Billy was, the success of the surgery making it irrelevant for him to find the man Mackenzie McHale, award-winning news producer, begged for his forgiveness during her supposed dying moments. He did keep his promise and followed her from CNN to ACN without much thought because he once promised a bleeding Mackenzie Morgan McHale that she will never be alone as long as he lived.

Lord and Lady McHale had asked her, weeks later when she was back home in England recuperating from the surgery, why she cheated on Will and she simply shook her head. They never mentioned it again until Lord McHale, former ambassador to the US, was tipped by an old friend from Eton about an infamous email involving his daughter and her relationship with an American news anchor. Her mother had to physically stop her father from flying all the way to New York and protect his 'Mackie'.

 _ **Or are we all lost stars shining bright on the dark?**_

As the song ended, Hang Chew's was covered with a collective round of applause, wolf whistles and a demand for more from Jim and Mackenzie. From afar and against the bright lights of the stage, she could see a small smile from Will McAvoy as he joined the rest of the applause from the News Night team.

It's been a long time since a smile was directed towards her.

A smiling and glassy-eyed Jim looked at Mac and she couldn't help but affectionately ruffle his hair once again and give him a hug.

Jim was drunk and suffering from PTSD. She would be expecting his call tomorrow morning, nursing a hangover and asking for her forgiveness for loosing himself in front of the staff - and the rest of Hang Chews.

She'll give him hell for it.

Then, she'll thank him as well.


End file.
